For the last two years, Swink Magazine and Vermin on the Mount have joined forces and operated a booth at the L.A. Times Festival of Books. The LATFOB is fantastic event for people who love books, but it shouldn't be confused with a literary event. Sure, there are lots of compelling panels chock full of brilliant writers of bona fide literature, but the LATFOB is ultimately about two things 1) commerce and 2) crazy people. You have to come to terms with the fact that the biggest lines will be for cook books and that people with a curious neglect of personal hygience will accuse you of spreading satanic messages. With that in mind, there are two approaches to weathering the shitstorm that is the LATFOB.
This is the stern, serious, but ultimately misguided approach of the gentleman across from the Swink/Vermin booth. Despite the whimsical title of his booth, which I choose to think of as a rhetorical question or, at least, one that demans an unflattering answer, this is not an inviting place to spend time or money, which explains why the booth was usually empty and it propietor packed up early.
We added a sofa, a record player, and a cooler full of suds and transformed the Swink/Vermin booth into a lounge, a respite from the pecuniary demands and crash of madness that is LATFOB. At least Jolene Siana thinks so.
There is a third approach, the huckster approach, taken by the memoirist next to us, and that is to lie your ass off ("I am an Amazon top-seller, top 100") and misspell the title of your own book on all your promotional material. She also misspelled the word "memoir" on her booth banner. I'd show you a picture, but I'm fairly certain she'd sue.
My favorite moment in the festival came when a super bright young kid approached the booth and started asking me questions about my book. You know how some kids are so smart you can see it crackling in their eyes? This kid had that. He was about nine or ten and his parents were nowhere in sight but there was no way I was going to sell my book to him as it's not appropriate for his age.
Kid: "What is your book about?"
Me: "I'm sorry, it's not for you."
Kid: (Offended) "I didn't ask who it's for, I asked what it's about."
Me: "It's short stories, but it's for adults."
Kid: "Hmmm."
Me: "What kind of things do you like to read?"
Kid: "Bunches of stuff. From kid's books to stuff that's waaayyy beyond your book, believe you me."
And I do.
